Early Pregnancy Loss

It is a strange and unique pain when a pregnancy is lost within the first weeks after discovering you are pregnant. I remember being 6 to 7 weeks several times and finding out there was no heartbeat or beginning to bleed. The fear that came over me. The fading hope that "everything would be okay." The consistent googling of symptoms to try to make it okay or not what it was. People will also say the strangest things when this happens. Things like "at least it was early" or "it's just your period, were you even pregnant?" I realized this need to accept the things said to me even though I felt much differently. I felt this internal devastation that what I thought was going to be was no longer. I felt as if my body had failed me. I felt alone and unseen.

There was this realization that no matter how long I had been pregnant, I planned for and visualized that baby and the changes it would bring to our family. I remembered a due date. I saw a future. I considered the gender and the ways my body would change.

Then suddenly it is over. Without notice, the hopes and dreams and thoughts of the future are gone. And often times without any reason.

I want you to know that I know that pain. That devastation and confusion. I had those thoughts "why me?" & "what did I do wrong?" The experiences of loved ones who want to make it okay but instead dismiss your emotions. And then what comes afterwards, the fear. The fear it will happen again. The fear something is wrong with your body. The fear of pregnancy ever happening again or sticking.

I experienced all of this and I will be honest.... nothing makes you feel better in the midst of it.

I will also tell you that it changes you forever.

Finally, let me assure you... things can improve. There will come a day when you wake up, and it won't be the first thing on your mind. Someday, you might even find yourself pregnant again, and it will be alright. Meanwhile, remember that you are acknowledged. Your pain is significant. You have every right to grieve something you never had the chance to hold. Early pregnancy loss is truly difficult. However, I hope that if you find yourself in this sisterhood we never wished for, you discover someone you can lean on and trust with your sorrow. It can be comforting not to face it alone.